Here’s another from Matt de Fucker:
Holy fuck me in the ass I just got ripped the fuck off. I was browsing the beer store and this shitty ass beer caught my eye, partly because I’d never heard of it and partly because the fucking label looked like it was designed in Microsoft Paint (windows 95 version). At $9.99 per sixer I thought this beer had some street cred. My initial thought was “not just anybody can bottle some fucking beer and charge out the fucking ass for it.”
More like Phin's mattress, right?
Well, I was dead wrong. Turns out anybody, even Phin & Matt can piss in a few bottles and sell it for gold! I should have known that anybody with the name Phin will never succeed at anything in life. Ok, enough bitching, onto the flavor of this cesspool in a bottle. From the moment I popped the fucking top and started to pour it into a pint glass I knew it was going to blow cock. Even my roommate, from halfway across the kitchen chimed in, “jesus, that shit looks like it sucks.” The first sip almost made me consider never drinking again in my life. It was 10 times as shitty as the Rogue Pale with the same fucking aftertaste, only shittier. I’m not sure what the actual ingredients are but I’m fairly certain it’s something along the lines of “moldy rat shit mixed with some raw sewage water.” The only thing extraordinary about this beer is how shitty of a person I feel for buying it. I’m a fucking moron.
[editor's note: Phinny from A Separate Peace was a badass. But he never went by "Phin."]
