Posts Tagged ‘Pliny the Elder’

San Diego beerin’ Pt. 1 – Stone Brewing

5 Comments
Posted 01 Sep 2010 — by The Dude
Category Events

So like way back in the day (June) I visited Stone Brewing for the day in an attempt to turn my liver to stone. It might have worked. I had the best fucking meal there in the whole 10 days I was hanging out in Southern California, though. Better than all the good shit in L.A. I hate to say. Though the fucking 4/$4 tacos al pastor at Taco Loco near Torrance that gave me the shits both times I ate them were goddamn awesome.

Stone has some rad brews on tap in their bistro. Like Pliny the Old Fuck. Russian River’s fucking jerkoff IPA that everybody wants to give handjobs to. I’d send you to the beer on their website, but it sucks a giant cock. The website. The beer’s awesome.

Nothing beats Pliny in the AM, other than a nice blowie on the morning wood.

Moved on to lunch and a nice Beer Geek Breakfast Stout from Mikkeller. Yes, this beer is as goddamn good as you’ve heard. That there hidden behind it is an Alesmith Speedway Stout – one of the first amazing craft beers I ever had.

OK, maybe this shit is just as good for breakfast.

So yeah, after the fucking orgasmic duck tacos, this motherfucker Dan took us on a tour of the joint, all telling people about how beer’s made and whatnot. Something to do with cereal or something. Rad fucking thing is he recognized my lovely itsafuckingbeer.com t-shirt. I’m famous to the morning drunks, apparently.

Fuck em', Danno.

So yeah, he showed us tons of mash and shit. I don’t really fucking know. You piss in a bucket and throw some shit in and beer magically pops out is what I think he said.

Science!

This fucker has to drink on the fucking job. I mean, I know lots of people feel like they have to, but this guy gets paid for it. Fuck that, I’d probably do it for free. Like the stag films.

I almost murdered everyone and drank myself to death here. They'd never catch me.

Seriously, jesus fucking christ. I just wanted to turn into Slimer and go through the walls of these here kegs. Might contaminate the shit though.

They had to throw these fuckers out after I blew my load all over the place.

My celebrity status didn’t get me laid, but it got me some of the free tastings at the end of the tour. Had some quality shit. Still remember that black market Sublimely Self-Righteous.

Beers

Beers n shit. Man, the day was good.

And a final glance at the Dude, enjoying the brews. The Dans bonded, and alcohol was consumed. A match made in fucking heaven. Me and the beer, that is.

Look at this fucking drunkster.

So go on this fucking Stone tour if you’re anywhere close. Maybe you’ll luck out and Greg is actually there and will make awesome faces with you. I traveled across the fucking country, but he wasn’t around. Gotta wait ’til he returns to the South I suppose. We welcome people back, so long as they aren’t minorities or gays or muslims or liberals or or…

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Beer night with the dudes (and more)

3 Comments
Posted 28 Aug 2010 — by The Dude
Category Events, Experimental

Several of us recently revived an old tradition of getting together once or twice a month and sampling from a round of beers that aren’t found everywhere in these parts. Everybody usually brings a beer or two to the table and we split and discuss them.

Itsafucking tasting glass.

We’ve done this several times now, and I haven’t been able to keep up the reviews. Well fuck that shit.

Here’s to dudes drinking beers and pissing in the street.

I fucking hate that guy on the left.

So yeah, to make up for all my lost time after surgery, etc. I’m going to review everything from our last beer night. I think it was called shit-the-bed-IPA night. We had some motherfuckin’ IPAs, etc.

This beer is fucking awesome.

I really loved this beer. The nose was quite floral, with perhaps a hint of grapefruit. The tip of the tongue caught the plentiful hops – slightly bitter at first, but not overwhelming. The malts were balanced nicely and made for a refreshing finish. I really enjoyed this beer and would recommend it to everyone.

We had a hell of a night. The only problem is I think the last beer may have killed my palate.

UBERFUCKINGBIEERR - a nice strong kick in the dick

Yeah, that’s the trick. That thing raped my taste buds, ever so gently that I enjoyed it.

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Strange Brew or: itsafuckinghealthcaresystem

4 Comments
Posted 20 Aug 2010 — by The Dude
Category Experimental, Fuck That Shit!

So, I’ve written sweet fuck all since my epic ultimate frisbee catch wherein I dove, caught the disk for a goal and got up yelling “FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK” around a bunch of people I didn’t know.

They said “what?” I said, “FUCK FUCK FUCK, something’s broken.” They said “maybe it’s just twisted.” I knew something was fucked when I felt a bone almost poking through the skin right beside my shoulder.

I said, “FUCK FUCK.” They said “what?” I said, with great trepidation, “I’m uninsured.”

They all said, “oh.”

my Caesarian

Got a fucking Caesarian in my fucking shoulder.

So yeah, check out my shoulder vag. Six weeks, seven screws and a fucking steel plate later, my clavicle is back in one piece…from the four it was in.

And yeah, it hurt like a bitch. But the worst part was not being insured. People take pity on you, sort of, when you tell them you don’t have insurance. Then they charge you up the fucking asshole. Seriously, they charge more than they would charge insurance companies or medicaid because they know insurance companies will only pay so much. So, I’m getting fucked harder than I ever have before. And each time I go back, they ask if I have insurance. I’m getting sick and fucking tired of saying no. I want to ask them if I suddenly had insurance, would everything be covered. I’m not sure it works that way.

But yeah, people in medical offices look at you a little funny when you tell them you’re unemployed/uninsured. It sounds like pity, but seems more like blame. I wondered how it would feel, and I guess I got my wish. It’s a social stigma (something I don’t have to deal with often, except for being a fucking ginger). The only person who seems to get it is my (maybe) Scandinavian doctor, who seems to think it’s bullshit. He’s also the one who clued me in that they’ll brutally rape you if you’re uninsured.

So, fuck it. My mind was already made up about the whole healthcare debate before this happened. My silent protest failed. Those protesting “socialism” and the costs of their existing healthcare policies going up fail to realize that their participation in fucking policies with volume discounts amounts to fucking socialism. The costs are socialized, assholes.

I’m still drinking a shitload of beer, but don’t really know what to write about. I ran out of the good painkillers (hydrocodone) but still have some of the bad ones (oxycodone). I say bad in that they make me itch and stay awake, while preventing me from shitting for fucking days.

Oh yeah, I had some Pliny the Elder the other day. It was good. Not sure I care to write about it.

Next time, beer, I promise.

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