Cool pub in Boston. I'm not a fucking liar.
This is my first “official” post! I feel like I have grown a third nut, become more of a man. Big thanks goes out to the “Dude” for having such an awesome blasphemous beer blog. So without further ado:
Whoop, there he is! Matt de Fucker in the house again, in the mofuckin’ Publick House that is. That’s right, this god damn drunkard made it all the way to Boston (fuck the Bruins) to drink beer at this joint. Well actually I must confess; my sister graduated from law school so I felt obligated to be drunk around her while she put a weird ass square cap and stupid dress on. I also found out that law school really makes you a pussy when it comes to drinking beer. What these smart bastards don’t know is that although a six pack of Bell’s can be $12, it pales in comparison to law school debt. You could go to the heady beer store every fucking day and buy something fucking awesome for a fraction of the cost of law school. And just think about how much you’d know about beer, hops, malts, statutory rape, hangovers, etc. Ok ok, enough bashing these shysters, to the beer we go.
Fuck a paddle
Actually, I must hate on Boston now. Well we all know that Boston is the land of d-bags and frat boys but now I truly understand why. Blame it on the beer. What’s a cool dude supposed to do when he walks into a bar full of shitty beers? Unfortunately he has no choice but to bend over, take it in the ass, drink a Shock Top Raspberry Wheat, chest bump his buds, go to the bathroom to gel his hair, contemplate killing himself, pop his collar and go to Harvard (or MIT if he’s more technical). Seriously, I walked around downtown Boston for a few days and probably went into 5 or 6 random bars. Their beer selection was about as brutal as jacking off with sandpaper. Yes, it gets the job done. No, it’s not fun. You guys might have heard of Sam Adams…you know the commercials with the dudes with beards acting like their beer is actually worth a damn, those guys. Still not ringing a bell? It’s the beer that almost tastes like the real thing, you know, kinda like tofu or something shitty like that. Ok, so here is the lineup at every fucking bar in Boston: Bud light, Shocktop, Sam, Sam Summer, Sam Red Dick Ale, Harpoon UFO, Harpoon IPA and maaaybe Guiness if you’re lucky. Now don’t get me started on Harpoon. I did find out that Harpoon is based out of Boston. I also found out I don’t give a fuck. I always thought Harpoon was decent until I actually turned my brain on before drinking it. I realized their IPA is nothing more than a glorified Bud Light, without the glory and without the cool notepad on the bottle <– Have you guys seen that shit?? I can’t wait to bust my name out on one of those mother fuckers at a party, fuck a keg. Anyway, I was getting very depressed and at the brink of drowning all of my sorrows in a Michelob Ultra (aluminum bottle) when I came across a real beer store. Holy fuck! So I went into this godsend and was quite pleased when I laid my eyes upon new brews. I picked up some of this Otter Creek Copper Ale. Mmmm…that shit is tasty! It’s a solid beer out of Vermont and I wish those yankee fuckers would ship it down to SC. Ok, finally, to the real review!
Classy shit. Shit photo.
Fuck me in the goat ass.
So my sister (the ambulance chaser) lives a block away from the Publick House. Upon walking into the bar I noticed I didn’t see any cheesy taps with raspberry vines on them…good sign so far. I sat down and the bitch gave me a menu. Beer! Hell fuckin’ yes! On their menu it proudly quotes Beer Advocate saying “#1 Beer Bar in America”. Whoa. That’s a pretty bold statement. I’ll be the god damn judge of that. Well, it’s fucking good. Damn good. I had a few very tasty beers and must say the food kicked some serious ninja ass. Check the food porn if you don’t believe me. This is not the Ale House. My favorite beer I had was the Mongo IPA from Port Brewing. This shit is overflowing with hoppy goodness. Hell, it made me hoppy. I downed that 8.5% so fast my head was kicking my throat in the ass. Grapefruit notes galore! Port Brewing should move to Columbia so we actually have good beer here. If not, maybe they could at least burn down Hunter Gatherer, the shitty ass brewery doesn’t deserve to ferment. The other noteworthy brew is from Mayflower, the Mayflower IPA. These MassHoles are fuckin’ creative, lemme tell ya. This comes in around 7% and keeps it clean, like a guido’s hair while he’s working at a mexican joint. I mean, that shit be squeaky clean! Hot damn it’s refreshing to know there is at least one good beer bar in Boston. Fuck alliteration.
Here are some more pictures for you cubical freaks. Happy fucking Friday fuckers. Cheers!
Head of a Mongo. Very good head.
Now for some randos. Here I’ll hit ya with a couple shitties to avoid this weekend. Left Hand Milk Stout is amazing and they shouldn’t make anything else. You can only blow your load once, or something like that.
Michelob IPA? Wtf
I'd rather suck bloody cow nipples...
And lets finish strong. Solid choice by the fake Frenchies.
Reefer is not all that Asheville has going for it.
