Well, after a fucking year of waiting for this place to let me in, I finally snuck into the soft opening of Greenville’s newest (in that it opens today) bar, The Trappe Door.
Not like the one I keep the immigrants under.
Now, it was a soft opening in preparation for the grand opening today, but it left me anything but soft…especially in my liver. The trappists were fucking flowing…from crazy ass floating taps hanging down from the ceiling.
Like a teet hanging down from god herself.
I quaffed a La Trappe Quad to quench my thirst. As a Known Hater of Belgians (TM), I was a bit worried that I’d find nothing to drink in this place unless they had a coveted darkass stout. The quad did the trick, and the place was rife with drunkards I recognized from everywhere.
Now, The Trappe Door is a fucking creepy-ass basement bar underneath Barley’s. Not that it’s creepy, but basements are inherently creepy. (Ask me for a free tour of my rapement sometime and I’ll show you the single mattress that keeps the mummified opossum at bay.) This place is pretty badass in a slightly unfinished sort of way.
Basements aren't as rapey with a wide angles and long exposures.
So yeah I really came here for the food, but I might have been fucking converted to drinking real Belgian beers. I actually (and shamefully) found a Belgian Wit quite tasty. BUT DON’T YOU FUCKING TELL ANYBODY AND RUIN MY REPUTATION.
Full of wit. And quad. Just like my writing.
But yeah, back to the goddamn food. I had the fucking sautéed duck breast, and it was eight kinds of amazing. I’ll forgive the slightly sloppy service (had to wait on silverware, complete lack of beer knowledge) due to it’s being opening night-eve. Bu fuck my ass, this fucking duck was amazing. I’ve been waiting for a slightly upscale restaurant in Greenville that doesn’t make me shove three green pinecones up my ass before entering to be accepted by the clientele. (I’m looking at you, Soby’s, Lazy Goat, High Cotton, etc. etc.)
Fucking eat that fucking duck, you ducking fuck.
Finally, a place with good food for people who actually like to drink for the fucking sake of drinking rather than because it makes your pathetic fucking schmuck existence a little easier.
Goddamn it, I need a fucking drink. Too bad mine was just emptied.
