I’ve been wanting to revive this motherfucking blog for a while now. Let’s hope I can still drink and cohesively form sentences.
Those who know me know I don’t care much for wheat beers. So you know I’m going to have a fucking shit show of a breakdown of this piece of shit.
Did your mom ever make you eat your Fruit Loops with a half bowl of orange juice because the other half of the bowl contains the end of the chunky fucking milk? No? Well you’ll just have to imagine that. Then imagine she poured a tablespoon of bleach and stirred it with her fucking dirty dildo. Or maybe she just used ammonia. I’m having to imagine that part, too. But that’s what I get. Notes of fucking soggy fruit loops (see the chunks?) with a bit of NH4 or NaClO, welfare orange juice, a farmhouse sourness (you know, not unlike spoiled milk). And some fucking unknown that can only be the unthinkable.
Seriously, this might be the worst beer I’ve ever had. At least Bud Light is somewhat innocent in spending millions on advertising for a product that’s basically upcycled liquified cardboard. This shit is just fucking offensive to all the senses. With a name like Leinenkugel’s, you might think it’s German. But it’s fucking not, motherfuckers. It’s “the pride of Chippewa Falls, WI since 1867.” Chippewa Falls must be a shitty place where they invented AIDS, 3D movies, Mormonism and, well, something even shittier than all those things combined. It’s probably named after a place where they killed a bunch of fucking Indians – dot and feather. So the beer is full of genocide and chunky – again, look at that shit. It smells like cleaning chemicals, tastes like artificial flavors, sounds like something it’s not, looks gross as hell and feels like death going down. And I foresee a terrible death for myself, now.
Many people suggest serving this kind of wheat beer with an orange. Those people are assholes. If you have to cover the flavor of a beer with something that tastes good (citrus fruit, pretzels, a shot of whiskey, etc), then the beer fucking sucks. In fact, if you see someone drinking this beer, with or without orange, save his or her life by cramming the bottle halfway down the throat, break off then end, then stab the person. S/he won’t be drinking this shit for a while and will probably thank you for it in the end.
Although, if you are desperate and do have an orange, this is the only correct way to serve Sunset Wheat:
Now I’m off to drink the real pride of anywhere in Wisconsin – fucking PBR.
What? It won a fucking blue ribbon, people! You can’t really top that.